do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
