I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
