so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell her she can't have a vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
