you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
