I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
