Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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