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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
