I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
