He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
