Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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