Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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