thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
