Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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