I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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