Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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