Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I checked into jail on foursquare
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
