I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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