i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
