did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
