I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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