I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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