wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think your dad took our porno
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
