We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
