I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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