I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
