there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
