I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
