He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
