You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
