she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
