If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
