I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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