I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
