There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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