About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
