last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
