I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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