i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
