she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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