how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
