Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
