The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
