Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize