I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
