my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
