she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
