sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
