dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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