I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
