I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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