I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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