alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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