I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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