Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
