Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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