you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He has the fingertips of a God
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