ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
