Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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