Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
