Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize