So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
