It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
