I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I looked at my own cervix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
